Rise Leaders Radio
#59 How Not Knowing Gets us Unstuck | Jay G. Cone, Ph.D.

#59 How Not Knowing Gets us Unstuck | Jay G. Cone, Ph.D.

May 10, 2022

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and even stuck by situations that feel complex, uncertain and ambiguous?

I certainly do.

My guest today, Jay Cone, tells us that there's a surprising power in not knowing what to do. He believes that if we can boost our immunity to feeling the chaos, we can respond with creativity and compassion rather than paralysis and tribalism.  Does expanding your repertoire and freeing your mind sound useful? Then join us as we talk about bias, quicksand questions, and four disciplines for getting unstuck.

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#58 A Fool’s Choice: Achievement or Evolution with Donna Zajonc

#58 A Fool’s Choice: Achievement or Evolution with Donna Zajonc

April 26, 2022

If we focus on goals alone, without being tethered into this beingness, [it] can activate and trigger us, and we see those goals as our persecutor…‘Was the goal big enough? Did I do it fast enough?’ So the goal-setting can actually become a persecutor. And in our own mind, we feel victim to that.” – Donna Zajonc

 

Are your goals also your persecutor?

Working toward a goal or vision is important - but how often do we pay as much attention to the person that we're being while in that pursuit, as the pursuit itself?

 

It’s easy to get caught up in the goal without placing attention on who we are along the way. However, without tending to ourselves we can feel trapped by our own goals and wonder if we’re living up to the standards we’ve set. Distress and reactive behaviors follow.

 

Donna Zajonc covers this topic in her new book, Who Do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want.

 

Alongside her partner, David Emerald, they’ve developed a framework for recognizing and responding more intentionally when life throws us a curve ball. We learn to move out of the toxicity of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT), and how to reorient ourselves with the The Empowerment Dynamic (TED).

 

We’ll discuss her new book, along with 3 powerful practices for you to use to look inward, spur creativity and conquer stress.

 

Tangled up in your emotions? Notice and name

[00:28:21] “When we notice and name something, we are now able to see it and hold it in our hand and go, ‘Oh, look at that.’ We're not as enmeshed into it, so we're not subject to it. It’s really a powerful psychodynamic thing that's going on, that allows us to have it and not be it…when we can do that, our body starts calming down.”

 

Stuck? Tell 3 stories

[00:30:50] “When we're really stuck and attached to a particular point of view, we’re constricted in our bodies, our minds are constricted - and we are totally lost to the creativity of any other possibility. So we literally must broaden our perspective. That's really hard to do when we're stuck in one perspective. The practice of the possibility of telling three stories [helps you realize] there's even more going on here than I realized.”

 

Create space and see what space creates

[00:39:24] “[Leaders often feel they] need to be able to tell people more ideas about how to fix this or be that. And it's actually the opposite - to let go of needing to have the answers and to create a safe space for others to step into their genius, their creator, their sense of who do they want to be. … Let's take a timeout let's breathe, let's calm ourselves, and trust that our wisdom is going to rise if we can calm ourselves.”

 

Resources:

Donna Zajonc donna@theempowermentdynamic.com,

Who do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want? https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9781733678100

Center for the Empowerment Dynamic:  https://www.theempowermentdynamic.com/

Link to coach training in May 2022:  https://www.theempowermentdynamic.com/coaching-2/

Episode 51 Focus 2022: From Surviving to Thriving with 3 Vital Questions (Replay from February 2020):  https://rise-leaders.com/podcast/

Rise Leaders YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKZAhRU1iLsXYwpvCECVreg

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:

https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#57 5 Practices to Ground and Elevate Your Authenticity

#57 5 Practices to Ground and Elevate Your Authenticity

April 12, 2022

 “Imagine if we could all show up in more, if not all, places in life fully ourselves - that we could fully open ourselves to learning, making mistakes, taking feedback, taking risks, and be being fully seen for our humanity and our potential without the fear of embarrassment or retribution.”

Move from socially defined to self-authored

Have you ever felt that internal tug-of-war where you yearn to bring your whole self to a situation - but you hold yourself back? Perhaps you self-impose guidelines for how you “should” speak and act in your organization?

Endeavoring to live with authenticity often causes internal conflict. We suffer when we constantly try to become what (we assume) others expect of us. As a result, we have less energy to innovate, improve and positively impact stakeholders. We end up with a decreased sense of well-being and satisfaction with work and life.

Ultimately, we want to live and lead in a way that exemplifies what’s most important to us.

To help you ground and elevate your authenticity, I share:
-What it means to live and lead with authenticity and be “self-authored”
-The cost incurred when we don’t fully show up as ourselves
-5 practices to help create more authenticity

Image management hogs organizational resources

[03:05] "In an ordinary organization, most people are doing a second job no one is paying them for ... spending time and energy covering up their weaknesses, managing other people's impressions of them, showing themselves to their best advantage, playing politics, hiding their inadequacies, hiding their uncertainties, hiding their limitations.  We regard this as the single biggest loss of resources that organizations suffer every day.”  
– From An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization by Harvard Professors Bog Kegan and Lisa Lahey

When we’re inauthentic, we suffer

[04:55] “Jesus said, ‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’” – From the Gospel of Thomas


The result of authenticity? Vitality

[16:13] “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman, author, philosopher and theologian".

“An Everyone Culture:  Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization”  by Harvard Professors Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey:  https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9781625278623

Self-Authoring mind: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2017/01/27/what-having-a-self-authoring-mind-means/?sh=51a3a1953b77
The Gospel of Thomas: 

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/religion/story/thomas.html

Howard Thurman:
https://www.bu.edu/thurman/about-us/who-is-howard-thurman/

StrengthsFinder; CliftonStrengths: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2017/01/27/what-having-a-self-authoring-mind-means/?sh=51a3a1953b77

Owning Your Value | Key Elements for Authenticity & Personal Power:  www.rise-leaders.com/podcast Episode 21

A Guide for Owning Your Value: https://mailchi.mp/d37649fa5f04/own-your-value
Article:  Authentic Leadership:  https://www.wgu.edu/blog/what-is-authentic-leadership2004.html#close
Rise Leaders YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKZAhRU1iLsXYwpvCECVreg
Insight Meditation App (search for body scans that work for you) https://insighttimer.com/
 
To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#56 Pause and Reflect:  Q1 2022

#56 Pause and Reflect: Q1 2022

March 22, 2022

“Can you discern between resistance and fear and strategic changes in direction? …not giving up and changing direction because something is hard or scary, yet being willing to change your mind even when something you really wanted to pursue is no longer a good investment of your precious resources?”

Reflect, refresh, and recalibrate

The change in seasons reminds us that it's time to pause and reflect on what's behind and what's ahead of us. In organizational life we do quarterly reviews to assess progress and determine what we might need to stop, start and keep doing. Where do we need to step on the gas? Where should we apply brakes?

Spring (our current season in the Northern Hemisphere) is symbolic of new beginnings. Can you find this feeling of a fresh start and new growth in yourself?

Respond with Agility

In a constantly changing world, it’s not a problem to adjust our approach or our vision – it’s a strategic response. We reflect on our commitments in order to respond with agility.

In this discussion, we’re going to:

  • Pause in a deliberate way to connect with what’s important to us and our work in the world
  • Locate ourselves in a broader context, beyond our goals
  • Take the opportunity to apply discernment to our earlier planning: do our original commitments still make good strategic sense? Are we placing our efforts on the right priorities?

 
This is a worthwhile practice to do individually and with your team. You can do this activity anywhere, anytime you have a spare moment, mentally or with a journal.
 
Answer these questions quarterly:

  • Who is the person (or team) you are committed to becoming?
  • What is the impact you want to make?
  • How are you doing on your goals? What adjustments do you want to make?
  • How are your systems, processes, and practices supporting your intended impact?

 
Links & resources:

Beginning Again 2022 https://mailchi.mp/68e183fd18bf/beginningagain2022

Podcast (source of Locate Yourself) Tami Simon & Lynne Twist on Sounds True:  An Evolutionary Leap https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yV3BwmYkOCU

Article: How Regular Rhythms Unlock Powerful Growth https://www.monkhouseandcompany.com/blog/how-regular-rhythms-unlock-powerful-growth/

Origin of Easter:  https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-15/the-origins-of-easter-from-pagan-roots-to-chocolate-eggs/8440134

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#53 Letting Your Life Speak | An Homage to Betty

#53 Letting Your Life Speak | An Homage to Betty

February 8, 2022

Is our life an illustration of the ideals that we hold dear? Are we a living example of our personal philosophies for how to live meaningfully?”

Letting your life speak

As Maya Angelou famously said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

 

As conscious and conscientious leaders, we not only strive for business results - we want to leave organizations, families and communities better than we found them. To gauge our impact, it’s helpful to look at it from the lens of our actions. What do they say about us?

 

The informal leaders in our lives are often unsung heroes, shaping families and communities for generations. They leave the world a better place by 'letting their life speak', as Parker Palmer famously wrote. They live in alignment with their often unspoken, yet embodied values.

 

This episode is about a very special woman in my life. Without ever explaining them, I knew Betty Mallory's values. She always made me feel special, welcomed, trusted and loved.  

 

Reflections:  Are you Walking Your Talk?

  1. For you, what makes for a full and meaningful life?

  2. What is most important to you (aka your values)

  3. After several observations and interactions with you, could someone reflect back to you your values? Can you describe why or why not?

  4. What does embodying your values look like? What actions and behaviors would I observe?

 

 

Links & Resources:

 

Episode #43: Pay Attention, Stay Curious | Hokusai Says - www.rise-leaders.com/podcast

 

Episode #33: Putting Your Values Into Action | Jerry Magar - www.rise-leaders.com/podcast

 

"Let Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer: ( via my Bookshop affiliate link) https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9780787947354

 

Maya Angelou: https://www.mayaangelou.com/

 

Never miss an episode! https://mailchi.mp/426e78bc9538/subscribe

Subscribe to Rise Leaders on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKZAhRU1iLsXYwpvCECVreg

 

Reach out to LeeAnn: https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

 

#51 Focus 2022: From Surviving to Thriving with 3VQ

#51 Focus 2022: From Surviving to Thriving with 3VQ

January 11, 2022

“When we focus on outcomes and take creative steps to go after that, we solve problems in service to those. It’s not that the Outcome Orientation is all goodness and light and problem free, but that we can tackle the problems that stand in the way of we really want and really care about.” – David Emerald Womeldorff

A 2022 Mindset Goal: An Outcome Orientation

As we dive into a new year, David Emerald Womeldorff’s discussion of problem mindset versus outcome mindset and the 3 Vital Questions is more relevant than ever. It’s why I’ve recapped this popular episode from 2020, especially as we prepare to tackle fresh challenges.

David discusses how all leadership begins with self-leadership, and how our mindset paves the way to a desired path. When we approach situations with a problem orientation, it drives anxious, reactive behavior and causes drama. In contrast, an outcome orientation keeps us focused on our passion: what we want to create and what’s supporting and aligning with our desired outcome.

As the author of The Power of TED and 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama, David makes complex topics easier to understand through his story-telling superpower.

Revisiting this conversation reminds me of the power of resilience in the face of organizational challenges and refreshes me as I plan my 2022.

Be the Victor, Not the Victim

[24:36] “There are two major components to our stepping into and developing our capability as creators. One is to create outcomes. The second is that we as Creators own our capacity to choose our response to whatever is going on in our lives."

Create and Generate

[33:32] “What actions are you taking? Are you merely reacting to the problems of the moment, or are you taking creative and generative action, including the solving of problems in service to outcomes?”

[35:03] “The three basic steps of dynamic tension are first and foremost, focus on the outcome and to be as clear as we can on the outcome, that the outcome can sometimes be clear and concrete – other times it may be more vague and directional.”
 

Resources mentioned in this episode:
3 Vital Questions website:
https://bit.ly/2Nsz927
The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic:
https://bit.ly/3sM9eCE
3 Vital Questions:Transforming Workplace Drama
David Emerald
Donna Zajonc
Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle
Bob Anderson's episode on Rise Leaders Radio
The Leadership Circle Profile
Robert Fritz:  Structural Tension
Rise Leaders' newsletter:  https://mailchi.mp/426e78bc9538/subscribe

#46:  For Good + For Profit:  A Social Entrepreneur‘s Imperative

#46: For Good + For Profit: A Social Entrepreneur‘s Imperative

October 12, 2021

We want to inspire a change in the social currency to be not one of status or prestige, but one around what it is that we're doing for others…we think a lot can happen from making small everyday changes or actions.” – Cory Ames, CEO of Grow Ensemble

Using Business as a Force for Good

 

Inspiring and generous. When I think of my interactions with CEO of Grow Ensemble Cory Ames, he embodies these descriptors with passion and authenticity. He is an exemplar of his goal to make sustainable business and sustainable living the norm.

Prior to Growth Ensemble, at only 22, Cory was the CEO of a digital marketing agency. Next, he began consulting on all things digital marketing and SEO with the aim of using his skills for doing good. Now, as host of The Social Entrepreneurship and Innovation Podcast, he’s gleaned immeasurable wisdom from leaders in the social impact space. Such experience lends to his credibility and thoughtful dialogue.

Drawing from roughly 180 interviews with these important players and his career, Cory takes us through:

  • The distinction between social entrepreneurship versus Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) and examples of brands in both domains
  • What’s different about launching a company focused on doing good, plus helpful advice for those entering the space
  • How he views his role as a leader, his personal philosophy and the impact he wishes to make

    And more to inspire you ...

Social Entrepreneurship vs. CSR

[08:08] “[Social entrepreneurs’] object and aim is to make some sort of meaningful impact, or some sort of meaningful change. So their business exists to ideally influence something environmental, or social…in contrast, Corporate Social Responsibility is an extension or the arm of a current business model.”

Collaborate, Rather Than Compete, for the Common Good

[27:49] “If you're in the space of wanting to use your business as a force for good to leave the world a better place, if someone else has a business whose objective is the same way, you're tackling the same goal; you're on the same team. So collaboration is a much more important priority than competition is in this space of sustainable business.”

Leadership in a Sustainable Business

[31:50] “I don't have all the answers, and I want to remain very curious and open to asking questions. That’s an expectation I want to set with anyone I work with - I'm more than okay being wrong and corrected and provided with the right information…it’s for the betterment of what we're doing, and, ultimately my betterment of understanding the world that we live in.”
 
For further exploration:
Guest links
Cory Ames https://coryames.com/
Grow Ensemble https://growensemble.com/
Grow Ensemble Newsletter https://growensemble.com/newsletter/
Grow Ensemble Podcast https://growensemble.com/podcast/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amescory/
To join Grow Ensemble's community for social impact, visit: https://growensemble.com/membership

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#40 Try the ‘blend’ : A practice to build stronger relationships and deeper trust

#40 Try the ‘blend’ : A practice to build stronger relationships and deeper trust

July 13, 2021

“When we’re blending, we felt in lockstep, we were in flow. Perhaps we even felt like the conversation was a nice dance. We felt open, connected with, 'gotten'…When we are able to blend, we have stronger relationships that are based on deeper trust.”

 

'Blend' to build stronger relationships

In a society that seems to value being right and accomplishing tasks quickly, a willingness to engage in the difficult work of connecting with what others care about is a game-changing mindset. Blending is one means of accomplishing this: an authentic willingness to be open to another person’s concerns, move with them, to hear and understand their perspective.

This week we’re looking at what blending is (and isn’t); how to sense it; and how to observe, reflect, and practice it.

What Blending Isn't:

[3:42] “When we're having an experience of not blending or not being blended with, we may say that we feel pushed into something. We might feel stiff-armed or kept at a distance. We feel like we had the rug pulled out from underneath us.”

Observation Before Action

[6:07] “The magic in all of this is in raising our self-awareness so that we can catch ourselves when we're blending well, and not so much.”

[8:38] “Observe yourself. Notice the situations where you blend well. And when you don't, I've given you clues already to look for: when you jump in to fix, advise or shut something down, or when you move into complying and pleasing.”

 

Center, Calibrate and Connect

 [10:57] “When you're actually in the blending conversation, connect to what you care about. Center yourself physically, release tension, calibrate your nervous system. Now connect with the other person and engage by asking questions and attempting to expand your own perspective.”

For further exploration:

Rise Leaders Radio Episodes focused on embodiment: #32 Speak Up Stand Up:  Chris Johnson on Becoming Fierce; #25 The Leadership Pause with Chris Johnson (www.rise-leaders.com/podcast)

Pushing Hands - An embodied exercise:  Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pushing_hands

"Embodied Leadership: The Somatic Approach to Developing Your Leadership" – Pete Hamill https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9780749465643

"The Leadership Dojo: Build Your Foundation as an Exemplary Leader" – Richard Strozzi-Heckler https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9781583942017

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

 

#39 Your Body’s Role in Being an Effective + Resilient Leader

#39 Your Body’s Role in Being an Effective + Resilient Leader

June 29, 2021

“Our embodiment is our extraordinary ability to put complex actions and interactions on autopilot. So that what comes next, or how to respond, becomes second nature... I'm talking about the body as a reflection of the person who lives within it.”

-Amanda Blake, Your Body is Your Brain

Embodiment, Learning and Leadership

Amanda Blake is the author of Your Body is Your Brain, a Ph.D. candidate in Leadership and Management, and an expert in experiential leadership learning and the art and science of embodiment.

Today we explore the positive impact that embodied self-awareness has on our resilience, our effectiveness in leading, and ultimately in living a more fulfilling life.

What is embodiment?

[06:55] “Embodiment is a felt sense way of knowing about ourselves about others and about the world…non-judgmental attention to what our interior state is to our sensations or movements…A way of being, a way of knowing, and a way of paying attention.”

A pathway to resilience

[18:39] “When we start to develop our embodied self-awareness, part of what happens is we get better at noticing the red flags, and stress.”
[19:57] “It's like this secret superpower where you can go, ‘I'm just going to soften my shoulders a little bit here, I'm just going to relax my jaw or feel myself sitting in my seat.’ All of a sudden, that starts to change the constellation of stress hormones in my body.”
Recognizing when you carry stress in your body is the first step to overcoming and bouncing back. This can help us return to the path we need.

Embodiment is personal and pragmatic

[24:10] “It's very unique and individual what we might need or want to do to counteract the tendencies we might have that can be totally unconscious.”
[25:55] “Prime people to think about, okay, for this meeting, this conversation, this activity, how do you need to bring yourself to it? What way of being will best serve the outcome that you're aiming for? Then how do you embody that..whatever that may be?”
Do you need to open your shoulders and lean forward to better engage? Do you need to soften anywhere to relax and appear approachable? It’s up to you to determine what’s best for the situation and what to do physically to bring your best self.

For more conversations on embodied leadership, try out Rise Leaders Radio episodes #25 & #32.

Free download mentioned in this episode: Stress to Serenity Guide:  https://embright.org/centering-challenge/

To connect with Mandy:
Website:  https://embright.org/
About Mandy: https://embright.org/mandy/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-blake-892195/

Order the book through Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9780999368107

#32. Speak Up, Stand Up | Dr. Chris Johnson on Becoming Fierce

#32. Speak Up, Stand Up | Dr. Chris Johnson on Becoming Fierce

December 22, 2020

Can your voice be heard?  Is your value being recognized?

Dr. Chris Johnson has joined me again in this episode to discuss a foundational leadership capability:  the ability to speak up about the value we personally bring to our work.  Our conviction is contagious and compelling, inspiring others to trust and believe in us as well.

 

You need to be able to take a stand. Extend your voice. Be pointedly focused on what you offer and the vision that you have, in order to impact the people that you say you want to impact.” - Dr. Chris Johnson

Confidence and the mind-body connection

Dr. Chris Johnson has joined me again in this episode to discuss a foundational leadership capability:  the ability to speak up about the value we personally bring to our work.  Our conviction is contagious and compelling, inspiring others to trust and believe in us as well.

Earlier, in episode #21, I reviewed the importance of recognizing and owning the value we bring to our work. This value will remain hidden if we're not able to confidently give voice to it.  And the way we carry ourselves is inextricably linked to it all. Chris draws from her years of embodied leadership and martial arts practice to create a commanding presence while also staying calm and centered. She shares her insights on how to expand your presence and self-awareness to ultimately project your inner strength and achieve your goals.

The tangible impact:  missed opportunities

[1:30] “The challenge about speaking up shows up in multiple ways…The most common are not sharing good ideas or opinions during meetings, not being able to promote themselves and their team. In avoiding conflict, staying silent or small leads to being undervalued and overlooked, and ultimately, to a lack of fulfillment, and possibly frustration.”

[32:44] “I'd get pulled in to take on leadership roles, and yet never fully owned them. And that was because I didn't know if I knew enough, I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I didn't want anybody else to feel bad if I happen to do something really well. And all of that was a story that I told myself, and then it took residence in my body. I was very narrow, and small, my energy was very constrained.”

Centering in our body, our vision, and in action

[23:00] ] “We can either close in and hunker down…Or we can choose to learn a very simple skill and practice of centering. And by that, we mean centering in the body, relaxed…and then centering in something bigger than us, even if we don't know what that is. And lastly, centering in an action that we can then take. And once we can learn that simple practice (because you have to practice it). Pretty soon that practice starts to reshape us…

“What matters is that we’re intentional. It’s based on what we care about, and that we’re consistently in deliberate practice.”

 

[29:00] “I like to say it's tolerating the discomfort at the edges because it's at the edges that literally, our neurobiology gets rewired. Hang out there in the discomfort for at least a little bit longer. Every time we do it, we're growing new pathways that allow us to expand our capacity.”

Speaking about our accomplishments or sharing our thoughts in a meeting may bring physical sensations. We have to practice tolerating this discomfort though it feels unnatural. With time we grow accustomed to it.

 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Power of Pause in the Mindful Leader magazine:

https://bit.ly/3ixw9wV

Episode 21: Owning Your Value | Key Elements for Authenticity and Personal Power:

https://bit.ly/3sGO0pT

A Guide to Owning Your Value:

https://bit.ly/3sJajLn

To connect to Dr. Chris Johnson please follow:

https://bit.ly/3sN2lkj

https://bit.ly/3qL3s2r

Dr. Chris on Resilience: https://bit.ly/3sOiiXs

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:

https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

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