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#37 Intimacy, Self-Orientation & Fear | A Deep Dive Into Trust

#37 Intimacy, Self-Orientation & Fear | A Deep Dive Into Trust

April 6, 2021

"If we insist on being buttoned up, polished professionals, that gets us a certain distance in our business lives. But showing up as a human being and being willing to relate to our clients and our colleagues as human beings, not just as professionals, gets us 10 times further.” - Andrea Howe

Strong connections build trust
Andrea Howe kicks conventional business to the curb and transforms how people work together. Augmenting our talk with Charlie Green in episode 36, Andrea helps us take a deep dive into the foundations of trust for us to accomplish this.
 
Building trust can feel risky. It requires shedding protective mechanisms to reveal vulnerability and, as a result, make human connections. In the workplace this often spurs fear. After all, it can be a tough balancing act to appear competent and set professional boundaries while also taking opportunities to let our guard down and reveal ourselves. Fear also inhibits true connection because it magnifies self-orientation. We can’t truly be there for others if we allow our own fear to take hold and guide our interactions.  

As you’ll discover, these 3 elements are interwoven, but when they’re examined, you can see how an awareness of them helps a novel way of working and thriving unfold.

Face fear
[14:37] “Human beings, professionals, struggle with fear…[sometimes] it’s a subtle, insidious force that has us suddenly doing or saying things that maybe aren't the optimal from a trust-building standpoint. But it's pervasive, and I think it's critical for us to attend to…we’ve got to shine some light on it, normalize it, practice ways to manage it and mitigate it, and therefore be able to show up not only more powerfully in a more grounded and centered way, but also more courageously.”
[28:01] “So think about it, when we're in a fear-based place, even if it's subtle, the ability to really tune in to another human being is compromised.”

Intimacy builds a safe haven
[31:16] “In looking at the data we've collected over more than a decade now, those with the highest intimacy scores tend to also have the highest trustworthiness scores…
“If there isn't safety in a relationship…if you're my client, what's the likelihood that you're going to disclose to me or even be willing to explore with me the real issues? What really needs to be attended to? What you're really concerned about are what your fears are.”

Generosity: The antidote to fear
[39:51] “Be willing to give stuff away. Give away ideas. Give things away. And that doesn't mean not valuing your services [or] charging appropriately for your services. But one of the best ways for people to have an experience of who you are is to get a little taste of it. So why not be willing to invest, give them a little demo…a way of getting to know you, who you are, and what you're capable of.”

Resources:
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-howe-she-her-22a105/
Trusted Advisor Associates: https://trustedadvisor.com/
The Get Real Project: https://thegetrealproject.com/
(Upcoming Webinar): https://trustedadvisor.com/webinars
The Trusted Advisor Fieldbook: https://trustedadvisor.com/books/the-trusted-advisor-fieldbook

Episode 36: A Way of Being for Sustainable Sales Success:  Focus on Trust, Courage, Intimacy: https://rise-leaders.com/podcast/?ppplayer=2166354b3000fc311ad1272907939efb&ppepisode=abad7dfecb82a6462b25f83e0101fc4d
Trust Equation Guide: https://rise-leaders.com/trust-equation-guide-2/ 

 

To subscribe to the Rise Leaders newsletter for more resources:
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To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#36:  A Way of Being for Sustainable Sales Success:  Focus on Trust, Courage, Intimacy

#36: A Way of Being for Sustainable Sales Success: Focus on Trust, Courage, Intimacy

March 23, 2021

The goal of most sales books and training programs is to get more sales. The goal of trust-based selling is to help the customer…The paradox is that if you abandon attachment to the sale as the goal and instead do the sale as a fortunate byproduct, you'll actually do better.” - Charles H. Green

The trust equation
How do we measure trust? In sales and marketing, the fundamentals of interpersonal trust haven’t changed despite the digitization of the past 20 years. The mediums may change, but ultimately, it’s about people connecting with other people. While that sounds simple, in practice it can be complicated. That’s why Founder of Trusted Advisor Associates Charlie Green has distilled the elements of trust into one equation.

Charlie delves into how building trust is a boon to interpersonal and even organizational success. In our conversation, he explains and gives examples of each element of trust, the trends he sees in his work with business leaders, and how showing up for relationships authentically better serves others in the end.

Myths of trust:
[15:56] “ [that] trust takes a long time to build and a moment to destroy. Time is not the issue. Courage is the issue. It's the ability to react appropriately to the other person in the moment.”

Trust helps you serve better:
[18:07] “The problem is never what the client said it was in the first meeting. And that's not the fault of the client, they're trying to do their best job of defining what the problem is and have all their own unconscious biases…but the magic that happens between seller and buyer, if it's done right, results in a higher-level, more complex, more accurate shared problem definition. And that's a very valuable part of the consultative relationship, coming to a shared definition of what really is the problem.

Position yourself to earn trust:
[27:45] “We've all had conversations with people who are checked out, and you can feel, 'they're not paying attention to me', 'they don't care what my answer is to this'…and we don't trust those people. On the other hand, if somebody does us the grace, the dignity, the honor, the respect of actually paying attention, we’re drawn to those people. And we reciprocate and listen to what they have to say. It's a matter of respect, in a way.”

Resources mentioned in this Episode:
https://trustedadvisor.com/ videos, articles, etc.

The Trusted Advisor 20th Anniversary Edition

https://trustedadvisor.com/books
 
https://www.edelman.com/trust/2020-trust-barometer

www.rise-leaders.com/podcast Episode 17: Building Trust at Work:  The Trust Equation

https://rise-leaders.com/trust-equation-guide-2/ Trust Equation Guide

https://www.linkedin.com/in/charleshgreen/

To subscribe to the Rise Leaders newsletter for more resources: https://mailchi.mp/426e78bc9538/subscribe

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design, and workshop facilitation, please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#17. Building Trust at Work: The Trust Equation

#17. Building Trust at Work: The Trust Equation

August 25, 2020

High Trust environments invite people to focus their precious energy and passion on creating and delivering value rather than on managing politics, their reputation and their image.  In this mini-episode, I walk through The Trust Equation, a model that illustrates distinct, yet nuanced elements of trustworthiness.

 
If you want a high-trust workplace, be trustworthy!
 

The Value of a High Trust Workplace

High Trust environments invite people to focus their precious energy and passion on creating and delivering value rather than on managing politics, their reputation and their image.

The ability to show up authentically and to openly collaborate creates a path of least resistance.  The lack of friction produces freedom and flow. In high-trust organizations, people show up as their authentic selves, maximizing teamwork and solid relationships.

So how do you go about creating a high-trust environment? A quick search on Amazon for books on Trust reveals over 80,000 titles; narrowing the search to building trust gives us over 10,000 results. There is no shortage for approaches and models for Trust.

In this episode, we delve into Charles Green's Trust Equation, a model that illustrates distinct, yet nuanced elements of trustworthiness. You'll have the opportunity to explore the level of trustworthiness in one of your relationships from three different perspectives by using the Trust Equation.

Credibility, Reliability, Intimacy and Self-Orientation

05:06 - "(...) think of all models as a trellis.  They give us something to hold on to - a structure for growth and reaching out.  And not to get too deep with the metaphor, but we also need to remember to clear out the dead stuff that no longer serves the living organism."     

06:50 - "Both credibility and reliability can be observed, or measured, and take less emotional energy than intimacy. (...) David Brooks calls these ‘resume virtues’ – their knowledge, experience, abilities." 

09:25 - "Self-orientation – Take a moment to reflect on the term, self-orientation.  What do you think of when you think of someone who is self-oriented?"  

14:26 - "Use the equation as a journaling tool, using the initial ratings as a starting point and going deeper from there. (...) Focus on yourself and raising your own rating.  You can even ask someone whom YOU trust to share their ratings of you."

How did you do? What were the most surprising results?

For more resources highlighted in this episode please visit the links below:

A Guide to the Trust Equation:

https://rise-leaders.com/trust-equation-guide-2/

Episode 15: How to Talk About Race at Work

https://rise-leaders.com/how-to-talk-about-race-at-work/

Charles Green: The Trusted Advisor on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Trusted-Advisor-David-H-Maister/dp/0743212347/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=Charles+Green%27s+The+Trusted+Advisor&qid=1597958450&sr=8-2

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design and workshop facilitation please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#16. High Fidelity Conversations: Nine elements to launch culture change

#16. High Fidelity Conversations: Nine elements to launch culture change

August 18, 2020

These types of conversations are High Fidelity because they provide strength and resonance for the people who engage in them.  They’re designed to support the Core Ideology of the organization and especially support the people experiencing the change. LeeAnn describes nine elements important for launching these conversations.

 

“Waiting until you have created the perfect, most elegant solution keeps you out of today’s game. Launch it!” 

High Fidelity Conversations Support Culture Change

Organizations are constantly changing due to both internal and external events.

Mergers and acquisitions, disruptive technology, and various economic pressures, like those brought on by the Covid pandemic are prime examples. This year, in addition to facing a pandemic, the US had to deal with hard truths on racial injustice, and the need to address the topic in the workplace was no longer avoidable.

On a previous Podcast episode, How to Talk About Race at Work, Drew Clancy and Lori Bishop shared how they tackled the topic head-on at PCI.  They explained why they didn’t wait for the perfect long-term solution to address concerns about race and how they tied the conversations to their values and focus on increasing trust throughout the organization.

Whether your goal is to step fully into conversations about race, or to committing to the successful adaptation of a critical change to your culture, it’s important to provide strength, alignment, and resonance, – or fidelity – for the people who engage in them.

Do you know how to provide the proper framework for these delicate conversations?

This entire episode has been created to guide leaders on how to begin culture change in their organization by following these nine actionable concepts for designing high fidelity conversations.

A Few Elements from the Guide Described in the Episode

05:52 - "Create a vision that everyone can see themselves in. And what that means is, create a compelling future that matters for people. People need to see how the change is going to benefit them and the organization long term." 

07:26 - "And with conversations, that means listening and learning and being open to other points of view."

10:36 - "Waiting will keep you out of the game today. And you want to balance this immediate action with the longer-term creation of policies and structures that provide resistance-free solutions."

11:43 - "Naming the effort gives people language for how to refer to the change".

For more resources highlighted in this audio episode please follow the links below:

Episode 15: How to Talk About Race at Work
https://rise-leaders.com/how-to-talk-about-race-at-work/

Launching Culture Change through Hi-Fidelity Conversations guide:

https://rise-leaders.com/hi-fi-conversations-icons/

To discuss executive coaching, leadership development program design and workshop facilitation please visit:
https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

 

To subscribe to the Rise Leaders newsletter for more resources: https://mailchi.mp/426e78bc9538/subscribe

#15. How to Talk About Race at Work

#15. How to Talk About Race at Work

August 11, 2020

Publishing Concepts (PCI) didn’t wait for the perfect long-term solution to address concerns about race.  Drew Clancy, President, and Lori Bishop, CPO, saw people hurting and they responded. They thoughtfully organized Meaningful Conversations as a way to talk about race.  This is their first step for improving long term trust and for healing throughout the entire workplace.

 

“What we’re creating here is, first and foremost, just living our values. Just being who we say we are and digging deeper as it relates to the structural racism that we have all been forced to live in here in the United States...” 

Lori Bishop, CPO, Publishing Concepts – PCI
 

“I think this calls for leadership and leaning into it… I think it’s a tremendous opportunity to ultimately strengthen the culture of the organization and have better conversations, better relationships, a stronger organization.”  

Drew Clancy, President, Publishing Concepts – PCI

 

Where do you even start?

Conversations in this domain can be delicate and deserve to be handled with care. It takes courage, commitment, and humility to open oneself to hear the experiences of those who have been marginalized. It can be uncomfortable. 

Start By Listening to Experiences

[06:28] Drew: …what I said to them that afternoon was, I’m really just here to listen and I'm interested in your perspective. Many of these guys [African American male leaders at PCI], we’ve worked together for many years but we’d never had a conversation about race or these types of issues, and it was, I will say, for me, very eye-opening and just the level of frustration, the level of discouragement, the hopelessness in certain cases around what was going on.

Each of the men told some version of a story of growing up and a parent or maybe a grandparent saying, “When you leave this house, you need to be very careful what you say, how you act, especially around law enforcement.” After that conversation, it really struck me that the advice they were getting was you essentially have to be invisible. Again, good advice but what a message to hear.

I'm just fed up, and we've reached a moment in time when action is required here. As businesses, as a for-profit business, perhaps businesses – We can be part of the solution.

Vulnerability + Courage

[10:21] Lori: I was afraid. I have learned that I’m going to have to take off some masks... There's a level of safety and caution that I wasn't sure I can let go of and really embrace from a trust perspective. I had to tell myself, as a black person, all the things that I've heard from growing up and how my safety depended on me never trusting in white people. I had to admit that to myself before I could help Drew on this journey.

Structure Your Conversations About Race

[19:04] Lori: … the original conversations had breakout sessions … and people are very unvarnished and open … people are embracing it. They’re asking questions. They’re doing their homework. They’re sharing stories. They’re coming into levels of self-awareness that they never thought that they would have as people, and they’re doing it at work. To be able to experience this with people has been incredibly fulfilling.

… and people are answering with real-life experiences. We’ve made that a rule because we don’t want to start debating, as Drew says, politics and a bunch of whataboutisms and frankly just ways to stay stuck on either side of this issue. …We decided that trust was the only way to get there…

Links:

Transcript:

https://bit.ly/39256Xb

Drew Clancy:

https://bit.ly/3p4CkL8

Lori Bishop:

https://bit.ly/3p4KMtN

Eric Mosley:

https://bit.ly/3o1ODqu

PCI:

https://bit.ly/2XXKLvV

White Fragility:

https://amzn.to/2LTxh1I

Robin DiAngelo:

https://bit.ly/39VJ5IL

Servant Leadership:

https://bit.ly/2M6h1u8

Bob Kegan:

https://bit.ly/3p3gU14

Immunity to Change:

https://amzn.to/2LGviOv

An Everyone Culture: 

https://amzn.to/3qDnqMh

Visit Rise Leaders:

https://rise-leaders.com/contact-info/

#03. Chad West: Activating an Historical and Diverse Community and Staying Accessible

#03. Chad West: Activating an Historical and Diverse Community and Staying Accessible

August 1, 2019

Dallas City Council Member Chad West shares his vision, the importance of accessibility, community engagement and creating a sense of place.

 

Citizenship is a chance to make a difference in the place where you belong. 

Charles Handy

 

First a look behind the curtain. I had the chance to see Chad West in action when our technology broke down and his tech-support partner had to switch out his laptop. A half-hour ticked away, and I was getting antsy about having enough time for a meaningful interview.

This breakdown afforded me the gift of eavesdropping on Chad as he continued to work calmly with his assistant in the background, answering a few questions and ultimately delaying his next meeting so that we had enough time for the interview.

Chad had previously shared with me that he is a stickler about keeping commitments. Integrity is high on his list of virtues. I witnessed him walking his talk while also staying kind and generous with employees. This recollection reassures me that we elected the right person for Oak Cliff and for Dallas.

First Impressions and Accessibility

  • Accessibility to constituents and clients is important to Chad and is expected for a City Council Member (CM). I experienced that firsthand when he personally answered my call and accepted the podcast interview invitation without a previous introduction.
  • To balance his extreme availability, he’s sure to bake downtime into the end of his day for reading or other solitary activities.

 Balancing the Whole and Parts

  • I wondered about competing commitments between District 1 (D-1, our district) and the City’s vision and goals. 
    • Unique challenges of D1: we’re one of the oldest neighborhoods in Dallas with the original street grid, old infrastructure and tons of new development.
  • Importance of public engagement:
    • Neighborhood feedback is very important when trying to encourage developers to include pedestrian & neighborhood-friendly elements in their projects.
    • Engagement also poses challenges. People will question Chad, and rightly so.  While this creates more work, lack of engagement causes a neighborhood to lose its character.
    • Chad is working to build trust in lower-engagement neighborhoods by attending non-city events and getting to know the neighbors so that they, too, are able to influence their future.
  • Building relationships and trust with other Council Members is important for moving both the city and individual districts forward.

Holding the Vision + Integrating Thought Leadership

  • Oak Cliff is a gem with 100-year-old street-car informed grids and adjacent neighborhoods. Bishop Arts is a great example.

    • In the plans: Oak Farms, a mixed-use development with workforce housing, market-rate housing, retail, and plazas.
    • Two major streets will be repurposed. The new streetcar between downtown Dallas and North Oak Cliff, pedestrians and bicycles will be routed to one street, with cars on the other. This will improve safety and accessibility.
  • D Magazine’s New Urbanism edition included an article by Oak Cliff resident and Urbanism expert, Patrick Kennedy: Bishop Arts Can Be a Model for Southern Dallas Development
    • There’s a focus on preserving single-family neighborhoods; once you take them down you can never get them back.
    • More trail expansions are in the works, linking people with parks.
    • A strong sense of place is being ignited.

Reflections + Resources + Practical Applications

Building Trust & Relationships

  • The Trusted Advisor’s Trust Equation is a helpful way to consider trust and the components of trust. 

Holding a Long-Term Vision

  • Notice the vision for D-1 has been unfolding for 10 – 20 year.  We’re challenged to become ‘decaders’.
  • How do you and your organization stay committed and aligned to a long-term vision? What rhythms and structures have you created to support this vision?

 

Links:

https://bit.ly/2YgebFX

https://bit.ly/2Y2ucPt

https://rise-leaders.com/trust-equation

https://bit.ly/2M83y53

Rise Leaders newsletter: https://bit.ly/2LTNxzV

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