“If we focus on goals alone, without being tethered into this beingness, [it] can activate and trigger us, and we see those goals as our persecutor…‘Was the goal big enough? Did I do it fast enough?’ So the goal-setting can actually become a persecutor. And in our own mind, we feel victim to that.” – Donna Zajonc
Are your goals also your persecutor?
Working toward a goal or vision is important - but how often do we pay as much attention to the person that we're being while in that pursuit, as the pursuit itself?
It’s easy to get caught up in the goal without placing attention on who we are along the way. However, without tending to ourselves we can feel trapped by our own goals and wonder if we’re living up to the standards we’ve set. Distress and reactive behaviors follow.
Donna Zajonc covers this topic in her new book, Who Do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want.
Alongside her partner, David Emerald, they’ve developed a framework for recognizing and responding more intentionally when life throws us a curve ball. We learn to move out of the toxicity of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT), and how to reorient ourselves with the The Empowerment Dynamic (TED).
We’ll discuss her new book, along with 3 powerful practices for you to use to look inward, spur creativity and conquer stress.
Tangled up in your emotions? Notice and name
[00:28:21] “When we notice and name something, we are now able to see it and hold it in our hand and go, ‘Oh, look at that.’ We're not as enmeshed into it, so we're not subject to it. It’s really a powerful psychodynamic thing that's going on, that allows us to have it and not be it…when we can do that, our body starts calming down.”
Stuck? Tell 3 stories
[00:30:50] “When we're really stuck and attached to a particular point of view, we’re constricted in our bodies, our minds are constricted - and we are totally lost to the creativity of any other possibility. So we literally must broaden our perspective. That's really hard to do when we're stuck in one perspective. The practice of the possibility of telling three stories [helps you realize] there's even more going on here than I realized.”
Create space and see what space creates
[00:39:24] “[Leaders often feel they] need to be able to tell people more ideas about how to fix this or be that. And it's actually the opposite - to let go of needing to have the answers and to create a safe space for others to step into their genius, their creator, their sense of who do they want to be. … Let's take a timeout let's breathe, let's calm ourselves, and trust that our wisdom is going to rise if we can calm ourselves.”
Donna Zajonc firstname.lastname@example.org,
Who do You Want to Be on the Way to What You Want? https://bookshop.org/a/16835/9781733678100
Center for the Empowerment Dynamic: https://www.theempowermentdynamic.com/
Link to coach training in May 2022: https://www.theempowermentdynamic.com/coaching-2/
Episode 51 Focus 2022: From Surviving to Thriving with 3 Vital Questions (Replay from February 2020): https://rise-leaders.com/podcast/
Rise Leaders YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKZAhRU1iLsXYwpvCECVreg
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